Are you tired of trying to keep track of your children?  Are they always running away and getting lost in malls and grocery stores?  Well we have the solution for you.  Inventor Jacque Timan of Boone, NC has just come up with the latest in child safety, "SAF-T-Child." If you were to own one of these you would never have to lose your children again!  Just think about it:  going to the mall and never having to ask where your child is?!!  Let's begin by telling you a little bit about the product: it is equipped with three arms, spring loaded pins and arm extensions.  As you can see by the photo, three arms mean there's one for the mother to hold and space for up to two children (one hand only, of course), or one child with both hands pinned.  The spring loaded pins are to allow children to not only fit in the handles but stay in the handles.  The arm extensions are for those days when you have to bring the children but you want to be as far away from them as possible.
 

    When asked how she feels about the new "SAF-T-Child" mother and homemaker Martha Stewart replied, " I love it. I don't know why someone didn't think of this sooner, I am definitely going to endorse it on my show."  We caught up with creator Jacque Timan and asked her where she came up with this revolutionary product. "I actually got the idea for SAF-T-Child when I was visiting Old Salem.   Back in the early 1900's when there were no rules for teachers in the classroom, a tool similar to the SAF-T-Child was used in the classrooms for disciplinary actions," Timan explains.  She declines, however to tell us what disciplinary actions it was used for or how it worked in those times.

    Although the aforementioned product is a little pricey, inventor Timan assures her customers that not only will they be satisfied with the product, but the best is yet to come.  Although the main idea was child safety, the "SAF-T-Child" is also designed to be of use to you after your children are grown up.  Add a waterproof swatch, and the "SAF-T-Child" doubles as a tent for your pet; add a board and you have a table.  Hundreds of other uses await you with our book detailing all of the uses for the "SAF-T-Child."  This handy book is your gift when you buy a "SAF-T-Child." Supplies are limited so it is suggested you rush out and get one when they hit the shelves.

*Note: The author wishes to make it clear that this is a fabrication and those of you who read it should take it as such.  The author loves children and would never actually treat them in this way.  Thank you